she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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