I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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