hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
He had one of those small greek statue penises
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize