I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
