Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
