Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize