I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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