Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Hippo gnu deer
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
