i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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