idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize