thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
