I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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