I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
