Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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