i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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