Screwed.edu
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
