Plan B is the new Plan A
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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