We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize