I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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