We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
