my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
