My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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