I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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