nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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