so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
