yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
