I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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