this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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