someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
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