I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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