Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
