Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
