I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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