I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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