just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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