she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
