i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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