The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
This gyro tastes like lonliness
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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