I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Text me some of your sweat
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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