you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
