I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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