had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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