I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
