wat bout pragnant strippers??
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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