Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Randomize
