This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I cannot find my penis.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
