Just took my morning after pill in the library
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
