are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
