How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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