I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
