OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Randomize
