I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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