Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
