so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
