a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
