dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
