I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
