My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
