Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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