OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
